Sweet, Sweet, Special Sauce

SWEET SWEET SPECIAL SAUCE

By derrick Stahl

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     Satheal stood at the counter, his mouth watering as he stared up at the picture of a Super Sloppy Deluxe Bacon Cheeseburger with Special Sauce. He licked his lips, waiting for the woman at the cash register to acknowledge him.
     “Welcome to Sloppy Mike’s,” she said after what seemed like hours. “What can I get for ya’?”
     “One Super Sloppy Deluxe,” he ordered. “Make it a combo, too.”
     “Would you like our Special Sauce on that?” she asked, punching in his order. “We only have it for a limited time.”
     Satheal wiped his mouth to keep from drooling. Sloppy Mike’s only sold their Special Sauce at certain times, using it as a commercial gimmick to draw in customers. It had been years since they sold it last, and Satheal was surprised he had been able to make it through life without the sauce for so long. “Yes,” he gasped. “Pour a ton of it on.”
     “Of course,” the woman said, smiling at his antics. She pushed a button on the register, causing the machine to spit out a hidden money tray.
     Satheal reached in his right pocket only to find it empty. No matter, the wallet must be somewhere else. He reached in his left--empty again! He let out a nervous laugh, patting his coat.
     The woman watched his movements as he checked and rechecked every pocket he had. Eventually Satheal allowed the truth, and the bitter coldness of reality, to hit him and gave up the search with an exaggerated sigh.
     “Is there a problem, sir?”
     Satheal’s face contorted as his mind sorted out all of the nasty things he wanted to say. He dealt with the fact that he wouldn’t get to have the Special Sauce ... oh, that sweet, beautiful sauce that Satheal needed like blood in his veins. His mind calmed, and he simply let out another deep sigh. His shoulders slumped down as he turned and started toward the exit.

***

     Satheal’s airship floated in a background of clouds, the bottom of its long and spiraled ramp resting on the ground just before his feet. He stared up has his vast ship, which he had named Machinations, before finally walking up the ramp.
     Satheal entered the kitchen area of his ship to find his long-time friend, Saébel, sitting at the table. There was a Sloppy Mike’s wrapper unfolded in front of him with drops of Special Sauce splattered all over. Saébel popped the remainder of the burger into his already full mouth, wiping his lips with his sleeve.
     “You won’ beweeve ha’ gud diff is!” he said, chewing with puffed out cheeks. A little bit of sauce escaped form his mouth to dribble down his chin. He swallowed, almost choking, as he pointed over to a woman who stood with her back turned. She was leaning over a steaming pot that rested on top of the stove. “Sara almost has dinner ready,” he said, his mouth finally empty.
     The woman glanced back at the two men. “I’m trying a new recipe,” she said to Satheal. “I hope you’ll like it.”
     Satheal faked a smile. His girlfriend was the best woman he had ever met, but her cooking could churn the four stomachs of a dead cow. “It won’t be any Special Sauce, that’s for sure,” he grumbled.
     Sara glanced back again. “What was that?”
     “Nothing, honey,” he said, smiling anew. “I’m sure it will be great.”
     Saébel stifled a laugh to help keep his friend’s relationship intact. “I hope you don’t mind, but I borrowed your wallet to get one of those new Sloppy Mike’s sandwiches.”
     Automatic fury filled Satheal’s eyes. He leaned across the table, moments away from spewing out death threats.
     He stopped short as Sara placed a bowl of her “new recipe” in front of him. Saébel lifted some of the soup with a spoon and then let it slowly ooze back into the bowl. “Good thing I already ate,” he said to Satheal.
     Satheal slowly shook his head, narrowing his stare. “I hate you,” he whispered.

***

     Satheal stood in the bridge of Machinations as it floated beside a two-story tall box positioned behind Sloppy Mike’s. He slid open one of the side windows to his left and leaned outside. A loud voice, distorted by static, blasted from the black box. “Welcome to Sloppy Mike’s,” it said. “May I take you order?”
     “One Super Sloppy Deluxe,” Satheal shouted back at the speaker box. “And add a lot of your Special Sauce.”
     There was a short pause. “Thank you,” the box presently responded. “Pull up to the first window for your total.”
     Satheal pushed a lever on the steering panel beside him, causing his giant ship to slowly bounce forward. He reached into his right pocket, pulled out his wallet, and then tightly wrapped his fingers around it. “You’re not getting away from me this time,” he said. He pulled out a small wad of cash, counting it over and over again just to make sure he had enough to pay for his meal. He got lightheaded as he stared down at the money, knowing that his mouth was only minutes away from tasting the sweet, beautiful sauce that his senses longed for. Satheal felt that getting his hands around a sloppy beacon cheeseburger ... drenched in God’s gift to food ... would fulfill all of his purposes in life. He could die happy after this meal.
     A young woman leaned out of the Sloppy Mike’s building. “Sir,” she said a little nervously, “I’m sorry, but I just found out that our Special Sauce promotion ended yesterday.”
     Satheal’s heart froze for one terrifying moment. He shook his head, knowing that he must have heard the woman wrong. Life could not be this cruel to him. He looked over at the woman, only to find her smiling back at him.
     Satheal’s face contorted as his mind sorted out all of the nasty things he wanted to say. This was his second pointless trip to Sloppy Mike’s, and he couldn’t control himself as well as last time. A simple sigh wouldn’t cut it; his anger needed more!
     “Dang it!” he yelled. He stood there for a moment, shaking his head and dealing with the facts. “You don’t have any left in there?” he asked, his voice raising in pitch as he turned his question into a plea for help.
     The woman shook her head. “I’m sorry, but the promotion ended yesterday. I tried putting your order through, but my manager said we weren’t allowed to sell any more Special Sauce.”
     Satheal turned away from the window, holding back tears.
     “We do have one final promotion for the Special Sauce, though,” the girl said, running her eyes down the exterior of Machinations. “There’s an airship race on the thirty-first of this month, in the town of Korienth. Sloppy Mike’s is a sponsor of the race, so one of the first-place prizes is a year’s worth of Super Sloppy Deluxe Cheeseburgers ... with Special Sauce.”
     Satheal’s eyes went wide. “A whole year’s supply!” he said to himself.
     “Yes,” the woman responded, thinking it was a question directed toward her. One sandwich every month for a whole year.” She paused for a moment. “But if you aren’t going to order anything else, I’m gonna’ have to ask you to pull on through the ‘Fly-Thru.’”
     Satheal pushed a lever, causing his ship to lurch forward, and headed home with high hopes of winning a race--a race that could change his life forever … well, for one year at least.

***

     Sara walked up to stand behind Satheal after listening to him “fix” the mechanical and electrical workings of the ship for the past few hours. “Hey, hon?” she asked, trying to steal his attention away from a piece of equipment, which in his muffled words seemed to be known as a “blasted pile of crap.”
     Satheal took a short pause form what he was working on to turn toward his girlfriend. He slid an oversized monkey wrench into a pocket of his tool belt. The added weight caused the rim of his pants to sag down, giving Sara a lovely view of the elastic waistband that wrapped around his bright red boxers. He held a marred pencil in his teeth, although there were no papers or calculations to be found anywhere around. He wiped a bead of sweat from his brow. “Yeph?” he asked, not removing the pencil from his lips.
     “You’ve been making all sorts of racket; banging on this, pounding on that ... not to mention what you've been yelling at your ship whenever you make a mistake. I was just wondering what you were doing. I mean, I’ve never seen you work on Machinations this much before.”
     Satheal grinned like a little child, causing the pencil to drop from his mouth. “Pack your bags, baby!” he yelled, “We’re going to Korienth for the big race!”
     Sara stood dumbfounded for a moment. “What do you mean ‘pack my bags’?”
     “You live in this stupid ship,” Saébel said, entering the room. He pointed back toward the hallway, saying: “I overheard when I walked by. But Satheal, aren’t we flying Machinations to Korienth?”
     Sara nodded her head in agreement.
     Satheal’s eyes darted around the room. "Yeah, well ... shut up, I have work to do!"
     “Pack our bags!” Saébel mocked. “What a moron.”

***

     Machinations hovered at the starting line, surrounded by thirty-nine other airships that had been placed in the “house-sized” category. Satheal and Saébel stood in the bridge of the ship, looking down at the crowd of people far below them on the ground. They knew Sara was down there somewhere, cheering them on.
     “I hope everyone’s ready,” a voice blared from the announcer’s box next to the starting line. “This year’s race is about to begin. The first person to make a complete lap around our city’s outer wall shall be titled “Champion.” Our sponsor is none other than Sloppy Mike’s ... where fast food is at it’s sloppiest!” There was a short pause. “Now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for,” he said, raising a laser gun into the air. “Get ready and ...” He pulled the trigger, sending a red beam into the air which exploded into multicolor fireworks. “... go!”
     All forty airships shot forward, soaring through the sky like metal pigeons on speed. Satheal broke free from the cluster of other ships, rounding the first corner of Korienth’s outer wall. After straightening out for the first stretch of the race, he was able to glance around through the bridge’s windows to see the other ships. There were only two in front of him, leaving thirty-seven losers behind in his exhaust.
     Satheal pointed to a control panel to his left. “Saébel,” he called out. “Push that thing in!”
     Saébel stared at the panel, scratching his head as he looked at all the doodads that cluttered the instrument in front of him. He pointed to a big red button. “This one?” he asked.
     Satheal glanced over, afraid to take his eyes off the race for too long. “No, the green thing right there,” he said, pointing again. “The, umm ... you know, the conductor-ism power-thing ... er, generator suppress--”
     “You don’t even know what it’s called, do you?” Saébel said, eventually finding the green “thing” Satheal was talking about.
     “Just flip the stupid switch!”
     Saébel did as he was told, causing Machinations to speed forward. Satheal steered around the two ships in front of him, made the second turn, and then raced down the second stretch.
     The wheel shook in Satheal’s grip as they made the third turn, both of the men’s hopes rising with their inevitable victory so close at hand. “We’re winning,” they both shouted.
     The final turn was made; the finish line was in sight. Satheal’s mouth started to water as he thought about the year’s supply of Special Sauce cheeseburgers. Finally, his day had come.
     But out of the corner of his eye, Satheal could see a black shape starting to fill up one of the bridge’s windows. He turned his head to see a long and slender airship pull up beside him. The ship had a long balance on its front end, making the “nose” stick out by an additional thirty feet or so.
     Before he knew it, Satheal was momentary blinded by camera flashes as both ships crossed the finish line. The announcer’s voice filled the air again. “Winning by a nose is Black Bullet, followed by runner up, Machinations. Let’s hear it for our racers!” The crowd went wild with applause.
     Satheal fell to his knees, burying his face in his palms, not willing to let Saébel see him weep like a little schoolgirl.

***

     Satheal went up on the stage to shake the winner’s free hand, his other one full by holding a booklet of coupons to Sloppy Mike’s. Satheal was tempted to just clobber the guy, steal the coupons, and then run off into the night. But he somehow managed to plaster a fake smile onto his face and accept defeat.
     “Tell you what,” the winner said. “You go ahead and take the first coupon for being such a good sport.” He handed the top coupon to Satheal, adding: “It expires this month anyway.”
     Satheal couldn’t believe it. His fake smile was replaced by a real one. “Thank you,” he said, and then ran off toward his ship.

***

     The next day, Satheal found himself standing in line at Sloppy Mike’s. He looked down at the coupon in his hands, reading the printed words to himself. “One Super Sloppy Deluxe Bacon Cheeseburger with Special Sauce!” Today would be the end to all his suffering. The Special Sauce would be his, and everything in life would finally fall back into its rightful place. The world was beautiful once more.
     “May I help you?” the woman at the register asked. Satheal walked up to the counter, slamming the coupon down. He tried to order, but the excitement of the moment hindered his words to “Bacon ... Special Sauce!”
     The woman started to punch in the order. She paused as her eyes scanned the bottom of the coupon, her finger raising off the buttons of the register. “I’m afraid this expired yesterday. Today’s the first of the month.” She slid the coupon back toward him. “Is there anything else you would like to order?”
     Satheal’s face contorted as his mind tried to sort out all of the nasty things he wanted to say. But he just didn’t care about controlling himself anymore. He leaned his head back, took a deep breath, and yelled at the top of his lungs.
     “Son of a--”
     “Sir!” the woman called out, cutting him off. She pointed toward the exit. “I’m gonna’ have to ask you to leave.”